Too Cool for Stalls

Reading the scratched out death threats on the stained tile wall, while hoping no one who actually needs the handicap stall will come by is not my idea of a good time out. Somebody must’ve slipped something in my drink, I’m not up to par with the night life right at the moment. Thanks girls – tonight has been riveting so far. 

The front door of the tiny restroom swings open with the door smashing against more stained tile. The steps are mismatched – sliding across the floor. The pair of boots come to a halt against a porcelain wall. It is here that I realized that I am so messed up, that in a blurred rush, I must’ve stumbled into the men’s.

               “If you’re a zombie – GET OUT NOW!” 

Yeah that was definitely a man, unless I’m now hearing things too. Since we are the only ones in here, I’m assuming that was for me.

His boots turn around and slump out a couple yards to the sink from what I can make out being stuck here in the stall. Now I have to stay here due to more people coming in. Not that anyone would probably care.

               “Listen you! If you don’t have the goods by tomorrow, I will shoot Ricky – in the face! DO YOU HEAR ME?”

I see four pairs of shoes. The two pairs are facing each other with the ones closest to the wall slowly levitating against their will as they wiggle in fright.

               “I swear to you, Johnny said there would be enough for everyone. Don’t take it from me, ask Phil! He knows!”

               “Looks like those college days aren’t paying off after all, huh buddy? You see what happens when you forget to carry the two over and move the decimal? Huh? Do ya?”

The door swings open again with more determined footsteps marching up to the pairs of shoes.

               “Let him go, it turns out he was right all along. C’mon, let’s get back out there and enjoy the party.” The levitated pair of shoes comes back to earth as now all three of them exit out the door. At that point in time I decided to make my getaway that was until the door flied open again.

               “TELL ME WHERE THE ZOMBIES ARE!!”

               “THERE!! IT’S IN THERE!!”

My stall door is being tampered with and these people sound very very very and oh yes, very drunk and could mean harmful intentions unless I kick out the door hard enough to make my escape. The door smacks them both on the ground. They fall flat on the floor unconscious. One of them even starts to snore. I take a wide step over the two while reminding myself never to come to this place ever again.