The Mountain Lion Theory

The Pacific Crest Trail, Mile 734 – 20 Miles before Crabtree Meadows, July 1995

“Okay so walk me through how you get to that sand dungeon again?” Ben asks as he is adjusting his sleeping bag.

“That game has been out for four years now, how are you just now playing it?” Mike questions him.

The third camper remains huddled in the tent while on watch out through the small tent window on anything and everything moving out there in the thick dark night.

“Ok, for the last time, Link needs to get that green book, which can be found on top of the bookshelf in the Library which is in Kakariko Village, then you read the book in front of that stone tablet and VOILA, the three statues shift around granting you access to the….” Mike is interrupted by Rick shushing them who continues to stand as the watchmen of the three.

“….did you hear that?” His voice breaks the long silence.

“All I’m hearing is you trying to prevent me from giving Ben advice on a game he should’ve finished years ago while still living with his parents.” Mike retorts.

“No, no…it sounded like paw steps.”

“Paw steps??” Ben emphasizes with grief.

Rick sits back down distressed. He has always had a lasting fear of the wildlife – especially mountain lions. He has never encountered one but has always heard stories of those hiking through the Sierra Nevada mountains only to be ambushed by them. Even with a 9MM (with or without the park’s consent), he still is shaken by the very thought of them.

“Rick, I know how you feel man. We’ve been through this before. We are a ‘large group’. Remember what the rangers said about staying in groups? Relax man..hey didn’t that Cheryl Stray write a quote about getting over fear or something back in Mojave or was it by Agua Dulce?” Mike turns to ask Ben.

“I don’t know man, but I love all of her quotes. They are so beautiful, no one talks like that anymore.” Answers Ben.

“Dude, THEY ARE GOING TO COME IN OUR TENTS AND SLASH US UP AND EAT US!” Rick yells out of panic.

“Ok, ok, Rick. Calm down man. Look we are okay, plus we are fully loaded, okay? Us-guns. Them-no, alright?” Ben tries reassuring him.

“Hey Rick, I have this theory.” Mike tries to start but is already scoffed by Ben.

“What? What is the theory?” Rick asks.

With a sigh, Mike continues, “Alright so house cats are in the same family as big cats, right?”

“Well sort of, but I don’t see where you…”

“So usually family members can sense eachother and are aware of their own kind.”

“….okay?? Where are you going with this?”

“My theory is that if you were to bring a house cat with you on a hike, the mountain lions will leave you alone. Tell me that doesn’t make sense.” Mike challenges Rick.

“….or the mountain lion will think you brought an appetizer before getting to YOU as the main course..” Rick answers very annoyed.

“I don’t see it that way.” Mike objects.

“HOW DO YOU NOT SEE IT THAT WAY??”

“But the house cat is family,”

“THAT DOESN’T MATTER! ITS NOT LIKE THE MOUNTAIN LION WILL SNIFF THE HOUSE CAT AND COMMUNICATE THROUGH THEIR WISKERS SAYING ‘HEY IT’S OKAY, THEY’RE WITH ME.’”

Ben starts to laugh, “It’s like he is getting us through bouncer security,”

“SSHHHH!”