No Tip, No Peace

“Here’s your check, pay whenever you’re ready.” Says the waitress as she smiles at the four young men, she winks at one of them and leaves.

“Who’s got it this time?”

“I paid last time – “

“NO YOU DIDN’T! I DID.”

“Right, you gave me the money to pay for the orders, so technically I’m covered.”

“YOU’RE FULL OF CRAP!”

“Guys, guys, guys its fine…I’ll take care of it. Relax.” The third one says as he pulls out his wallet, peeling out cash.

While they are waiting for her to come back, one of them leans in closer to the other guy who was winked at by the waitress. “I think she likes you, man. Seriously.”

“I don’t know, she’s out of my league.”

“C’mon, stop that. Y.O.L.O.”

“Did you get that from SPIKE T.V. or something?”

“NO, it means, you only live once.”

The waitress comes back smiling at the modest one, “Thank you!”

“Hey umm, my friend here is really shy and was wondering if he could get your number.” The waitress looks surprised and runs her hand through her hair. “Umm..well I have a….okay.” She concludes while slightly biting her bottom lip. She scribbles down her number on a blank ticket followed by a hiss and tear of the sheet and reaches out for the shy one to receive. She shrugs her shoulders with a smile, “Call me sometime.”

The other one raises his glass, “Oh uh, could I get a refill before we head out.” She breaks away from staring as if awakening from a trance. “..sure yeah. I’ll be right back.” She takes his glass promptly and heads towards the kitchen.

“YOU DID IT MAN, I DIDN’T KNOW YOU HAD IT IN YOU!” They say to him as he holds her number in disbelief.

“More like you guys did it, all I did was take up breathing space.”

“Naahh c’mon, give yourself some credit, after all you did manage to….” He is interrupted from a voicemail notice on his phone. “…shoot, I gotta take this. We need to leave here right now since I drove.” The four of them get up out of their booth.

“Oh what about the tip?” The other three search their pockets, “I don’t have any cash on me, it’s fine. 

Let’s just leave, it’s not that big of a deal.” They make their way to the exit. As the first one is about to push open the entryway to leave a shouting young woman exclaims, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME???” Everyone in the diner stops conversing and fixes their attention on the waitress (who by the way is pissed).

“NO TIP!?! Is this the way you treat your waitresses?? You just waste my time by not knowing what to order and keep having me take back your food all because the meat was too pink even though you ordered medium rare, and being loud and rude, and then having me whore myself out there for your quiet friend here??” She exclaims while slowly approaching them. The four of them put their hands up as if she were pointing a gun at them.

“Look, we apologize, seriously. None of us had any cash on us, just enough for the meal. I’m sorry.” The rest of them concur with quick nods filled with terror in their eyes. “Don’t you guys make enough in tips anyways??” The same scared man speaking for the group gets a hard slap in the back of the head from one of the guys behind him.

“Enough..in..tips??” The waitress asks him in a very dark tone. “Let me tell you just how much I make in tips and where that money goes.” She grits her teeth while pulling out a calculator from her apron pocket. “I work 10 hour days with an average of 16 customers like yourself who usually leave a two-dollar tip. Working 6 days out of the week. All that amounts to is about $200 a week just in the tips, I take home twenty percent of that – so $38!! With my base pay, it only adds up to $388. And then I have to pay the babysitter because daycare is too expensive, and then diapers, food, all because that father of his won’t pay child support!!” She escalates to more shouting. The guy with the number looks up shocked. “And yes, I have a kid! Are you okay with that or is that going to be a problem?” She firmly asks the guy holding her number. Before he can answer that, the waitress asks the man who presumed she made enough in tips. “So tell me, how much do you make?” 

She tilts her head to the side with her hands on her hips. “…umm well I’m a commercial developer and I –”

“AND YOU COULDN’T LEAVE A MEASELY TWO-DOLLAR TIP ALL BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE ANY CASH?? GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! AND TAKE YOUR SCRUBBY FRIENDS WITH YOU!!”

The crowd in the restaurant cheer and whistle for the waitress as the front doors slam shut.